24 September 2005

Dryness

Ok...so sue me that I don't post often. :P

Anyway, I've been thinking, which I do a lot (go figure) and I think
I've been going through a dry time. It's not that I haven't had anything
to write, I just haven't written. But I've been struggling with
something, and even though I've been getting a lot of head knowledge,
I'm certain that this issue that I struggle with affects how things
connect with my heart. I mean, sure I know a lot about different things,
even about the Bible and God and my faith. I'm very capable of listening
to someone, and then counseling them or even giving advice...even though
I know giving advice isn't a good thing. But for some reason, for me, no
matter how much I know, I just can't always seem to do.

I talk a lot...sometimes it doesn't seem like I'm listening, but I do
listen. I need to listen - having contact with people is something that
I need, and it's hard when I don't have it. I've got people that I
listen to online - friends that I'm amazed how much they've confided in
me, and how much they trust me, though we've never met in person. Yet
there are people that I know face to face that I barely know anything
about. Part of it I think is that when I'm face to face, it's much
harder for me to be silent, because if there's a silence, I long to fill
it with something. Being in quiet is very hard for me. But I think that
adds to the dryness I feel.

Descartes said "Cogito, ergo sum" which means "I am thinking, therefore
I exist." Or more commonly, "I think, therefore I am." In today's
society, this has been brought to a point that it means that there is
nothing greater than man, and that by our sheer force of thought alone,
we continue to exist and improve our existence. I have found, that
personally, I cannot improve my existence by mere thought, and I
certainly did not become a functioning member of society by pure thought
- I'm neither an empath, or a telepath, nor do I posses the power of
telekinesis. It is solely by the grace of God that I exist, and by his
power alone am I here.

And because it's by His power alone, I must seek to know Him more and to
connect to His power to continue to exist. How do we do that? "Be still,
and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10.

Blessings.