Child Rearing

I should be the last person to write anything about child rearing.
Seriously. I'm almost 28, only been married for 4 months, and we're not
thinking of having kids for at least 2 years. I was an only child and I
would need a truly exorbitant amount of money to step foot inside a
child or development psychology class, primarily because I despise
psychology. Be that as it may, I find myself unable to sleep right now,
due to thought of raising children running through my head. The only way
to put them to sleep is to get them outside and make myself tired. Words
of wisdom huh?

In any case, my thoughts have been triggered, strange as it may seem by
some recent events that have happened. I found out today that Michael
Jackson (a father of three children somehow) died. On Monday night I
watched Jon and Kate plus 8, as I'm sure many others did. Jon and Kate
brought most of these thoughts to the surface just about 20 minutes ago,
and Michael Jackson popped into my head as I started writing, so I don't
know if I'll talk about him much in this - maybe another time. Just
forget I mentioned Jackson, he's a whole nother post.

Those who aren't aware, Jon and Kate are separating. In this last
episode that I watched with my wife, I noticed some key things, and I
wonder if Jon or Kate ever thought of them. One of the first things I
noticed that both Jon and Kate referred to their (plural possessive)
brood of eight children as "my children." Some might not make much of
this, but I think it could be indicative of an underlying issue that
might have caused much of the strife and could have been easily
avoidable. (Please note, I do not write this as a judgment on Jon or
Kate, or them as a couple, merely an observation.) It was something that
I picked up over the course of the last several episodes that I had
watched, which were leading up to the whole split that happened. This
was something new that only started happening during the middle or so of
last year.

Prior to the middle of last season, I think that Jon and Kate would
refer to the kids as "our kids" which is a correct recognition of
ownership (as owning of children goes). It takes both parents to be
there to make the children in the first place, whether or not a
fertility doctor is in the mix. Though a parent might jokingly say to
the other "Did you know what /your/ son did today" or something along
those lines, the child still belongs firmly in the grasp of both
parents. I believe that the ever increasing use of the singular
possessive in their interview is a telling symptom of a growing
selfishness. I could be wrong, but that's what I observed.

In any marriage, and especially once children become involved (I'm only
imagining this, I don't have first hand experience of having children in
my marriage yet) selfishness is a somewhat necessary evil. In order to
best serve the other members of the family, you do need to look after
yourself to some degree. Parents especially need to be, at times,
selfish of their time together, and slightly less their time apart.
Solitary self-time is an important thing, but how important is it. How
important are your children that you must sacrifice everything for them?
If you give everything you have to them, what do they have for
themselves to grow up? A wise couple once said, "Children are temporary,
marriage is permanent." I like that saying - I know I was temporary in
my parents marriage (I'm still their son and talk to them regularly, but
I'm not in the house anymore except to visit).

As you're raising your children, one must be careful and mindful of how
you want them to grow and mature. The best way to make sure they grow up
the way you'd like them to is to model what you want to see in them as
they mature. If you're wanting wise, considerate, open, self-less
(correctly) and upstanding children, that's how you must live your lives
in front of them. A reason does exist why two parent households that
stay together rightly have children that more often than not do right
and well themselves. They do that because they see god things emulated
by their parents and they want to do the same.

What is the best for your child? What does that really mean? For each it
is different, but children still learn it the same way - they follow the
old maxim "Monkey see, Monkey do" Mom and Dad, they are watching you, so
if your goal is to do what's best for your kids, and to see them have
happy, healthy and long lasting relationships and marriages - why not
set the example? It's not easy, but it's still good.

Blessings,