Ok...so sue me.

Originally, I was going to finish the second part of the
last words post, but I need to delay that for a little bit. You see, there's
something that's recently come up in my life. I don't want to bore you with all
the details, but as with most guys my age, I'm going to guess you can figure it
out.

I've come to the conclusion that being in your mid twenties
is one of the best worst times of your life. You're in that exciting time when
everything about where you're at is new. You get a new job, new place to live
sometimes, new experiences after the roller coaster of college – new
responsibilities in many cases. Many twenty-something's are also in the midst
of one of the newest things of all – relationships. I can't tell you how many
weddings I've missed in the last 5 years. All of that romance missed and that
causes me to pause. I mean, why is it that I'm single? Why can't I strike it
lucky and find a wonderful, beautiful woman to settle down with? Love (that is,
Eros love or a form thereof) sucks both ways. Let me elaborate on that a bit
more.

About 2 years ago, I wrote a post about love. The gist of it
was sometimes love means you let go – either of the one you love or of yourself
and all you hold dear for the one you love. Why is it that letting go of
something you enjoy, or desire, is so hard? Why wouldn't it be hard? When you
desire or long for something a bond is forged, no matter how superficial it
might be, that connects that person or thing in a deep manner to your identity.
Right now to me, having let go of something that I held to for sometime (in
retrospect, there was never any reason to hold on to it, in fact I tried to let
it go for many of the past 10+ years) has caused some issues for me. In fact,
since I've let go of this one habit I have found myself slightly
confused/indecisive in several areas of my life.

So, with that happening inside my mind, I find myself
interested (that's what it started out as) in a young woman. What's more, I
find that she's very interested in me. Now this is a surprise to me. I really
have to wrap my head, and heart, around this idea. You see, I feel very much
like a Gomer (if you read my other blog that will give you an idea of where I
am in my walk with God). To me, someone expressing that much interest in me, is
extremely difficult to grasp and scares me. My mind is going, "is she really
interested in me, or is it just a drive on her part to not have anymore first
dates?" I can't quite get my mind, and heart, to fully believe she feels that
way. And because this scares me, it creates uncertainty in my mind – which then
makes things hard for her.

My brain, and heart, wants to try and scare/test her. And
that gives me a chance to sort through my own feelings. And so as I took a
period to do this, I think of all that she's said to me, and how I felt when I
was with her, and when I wasn't with her. Now, I am a guy and so when we were
apart, or not talking to each other during our day, I will admit not every
waking moment was spent thinking about her. To some that might seem callous –
but that's just the way I am. However the other day, as I was reflecting about
where I was at, I came upon Proverbs 31. That passage of scripture talks about
a Noble Wife. That got me thinking about what I was looking for in a spouse.

A noble wife is to be cherished and desired…and I think I
might have found a woman that would fit that bill. Now if I can just finish
sorting out my disbelief.

"Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief."

Blessings.

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